Conversations with the inner self - No I. Fundamental understandings.

Although often referred to as a mid life crisis, I find increasingly that there are questions and desires that raise their heads the further down life's path you travel. I suppose this lies somewhere in the fact that the more life experience you gain, the easy it is to realise that things may not have turned out quite as you thought it would. Call it what you will, but my first inner dialogue is to explore the fundamental changes I perceive that I need. Bear in mind that these dialogues are pretty much a stream of conciousness, a creative outpouring as I think of them and if that means that my arguments change tack as I proceed through the recording of the thought process, then that is just the way of such unplanned inner analysis.

Sometimes it's easier to spot what is missing in your life than celebrate what you have. The problem is for a long time I have felt there is something missing, but am yet to pinpoint exactly what it is. maybe it's just a feeling that there should be more to life. Never having planned anything long term in my life, it is not as if I have a series of boxes to be ticked off, the absence of ticks on the list might help show me the problem. The closest I can come to describing the feeling is like looking at a jigsaw with pieces missing, you might be able to work out what the whole picture should look like, but the exact details are still a bit vague.

So, starting with the basics, I have identified the first fundamentals that need to change and not surprisingly they all seem linked.  Like most things in the modern world, the reliance on money seems to be the problem, but to turn the argument around I think, rather than feeling a need for more money, I need for less money driven rewards and it all seems to hang on socialising. Like many single people the sometimes emptiness of our lives is shored up by throwing money at bar hopping and generally being in crowded environments. In my recent life this has lead to a general lack of creativity, reduction of health and if not money worries, certainly a lack of spare cash to spend on more worthy pursuits.

So the first challenge is set. Be more selective regarding throwing money at needless socialising, quality of company over quantity of nights out. This in turn should lead to a more healthy lifestyle, less takeaways on the run, less pointless calories. The extra time gained can be spent on concentrating on writing, either here or in the various music review fields where I am trying to make inroads. More money is always good, but  more time to follow creative pursuits is the real winner hear - add in at this point less time in front of the TV, which in itself is a result of the general lethargy brought on by the lifestyle elements I have just described.

So that's the plan, the first point of self-analysis, easy when you think about it but lets see how the will power does with it.